Nice things are sometimes sadly forgotten. For instance, tomorrow is Michaelmas (pronounced “Mickelmas”). It was once a lovely fall feast, celebrated with daisies and roast geese. Now it is all but vanished and forgotten.

Another nice thing now fallen into oblivion is Disney’s movie The Sword in the Stone. It’s an Arthurian high-adventure film from 1963, filled with magic, knights, and swordfights, somehow cast into the dustbin. I’m not exactly sure why. It’s much better than Cinderella or Snow White and not particularly non-PC. But anyhow, in the spirit of remakes, I’ll remake it. But I’m going to call it “The Finger in the Ass.”

To all the remake-haters, unhappy about the modern habit of diverse casting, I promise a cast of purely Anglo-Germanic stock!

The inspiration for The Finger in the Ass, the sweet kiss of Calliope if you will, came to me as I was reading about Sen. Josh Hawley’s latest policy suggestion – to allow states to deport illegal immigrants.

I like this suggestion and I like Hawley – we’re the same age, in similar physical shape, and yet there he is in the Senate and here I am scribing a blog. But I digress. Yes, it will be nice indeed if states could deport illegal aliens without awaiting the sluggish and unwilling help of the Federal Government.

But why exactly can’t states simply do it already?

Mostly because of that finger, lodged deeply in the asses of state representatives and governors. In a world of magic and high adventure, of real men, the states would ALREADY do it. At worst it’s a fuzzy constitutional question. Who cares? Pay a lawyer. At best, they can simply do it. Round up the illegals apprehended in your territory, get them on a plane, or a boat (yes, it won’t look good on TV), and ship them off.

Men with balls would do it. But we don’t have many of those. Mostly we have men with their fingers stuck up in their asses, fearing, or incapable of doing, anything involving more than sending an email.

Read about Davy Crockett! This is how real men, especially men in power, should behave. Crockett (and Sam Houston – who was literally a larger-than-life character at 6’6″) more or less simply decided to make Tejas into the independent state of Texas – and did it.

Davy Crockett

If modern Texans had any of Crockett’s balls, they would join in with Arizona and seize a security zone in Mexico. Just like Israel did in Lebanon and for the same reasons. Migrants and cartel smugglers should not cross the Rio Grande. They should all remain – by fences and the Texas and Arizona national guards – in Mexican territory.

Why not? Would Joe Biden send the Marines to stop Texas? Let him try. Sometimes to win a fight you need to start a fight. Yes, it might get messy, but aren’t men supposed to appreciate this kind of mess as FUN?

I suppose it is a sign of generational decline. Mystical powers and a divine destiny were once required to pull a magic sword out of a stone. Now we need such formidable enchantments to simply pull a finger out of an ass.

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