I can’t exactly explain why ridiculous Jews embarrass me so much. I bet Candance Owens feels a similar sort of revulsion when Jay Z appears on TV, blabbering and gesticulating hood-style. Mr. Bennett, he of Pride and Prejudice, surely felt the same at the manifested horror of Mrs. Bennett making a fool of herself.

Now, when things are kept inside the house, so to speak, like Mr. Bennett I can quietly tolerate my misery. But when Mrs. Bennett chooses to make herself into a silly spectacle outside, my shame becomes intolerable.

This time, my unbearable shame bursts forth due to an uproar related to a practice now deemed verboten: “Cultural appropriation.” Yet another one of the Left’s galaxy of empty pseudo-intellectual concepts, “cultural appropriation” is when a person presumed to be from one culture borrows the habits of another culture.

So, if a man of European origins throws a Polynesian-themed tiki party, that’s very bad. Or if a woman dresses up as a sexy Pocahontas that’s a total no-no. Obviously, these things only work one way: You are not allowed to tell Samir, Abdullah, or Chen to cease wearing suits, using computers, or enjoying the convenience of toilet paper – all Western things to the core.

Needless to say, this is very stupid. A feeble pop-derivative of Edward Said’s thinking which in turn was a feeble derivative of Foucault’s thinking. Culture is not property. It is not owned by anyone and therefore cannot be “appropriated.” Also, being of a certain genetic disposition, say Chinese, does not grant one any magical powers to better understand Confucius than a white scholar might. Understanding a culture means inculcating one’s self in its treasures.

Certainly, we should always try to be polite and respectful in relation to the things others hold dear. If my neighbor prays to the Hindu gods, it wouldn’t be nice of me to mockingly parade in front of her house with tambourines and a joke costume of Krishna. But if I wish to pray to the Hindu gods or fry a few samosas, why not?

And so we get to the point at hand. Never wasting an opportunity to cry “Oy-vey!” about imaginary slights, American Jews have lately created a mini-uproar. Doug Mastriano, a Republican state senator from Pennsylvania has dared to announce his gubernatorial candidacy by blowing the shofar.

Given that this is a right-wing candidate, that most Jews are leftists, and that the shofar is a Jewish ceremonial horn, a choir of goblins and harpies began croaking in unison.

Blah, blah, blah. This is highly reminiscent of the ire pointed every year at evangelicals who dare to follow in the steps of Jesus and prepare themselves a Seder feast for Passover.

Now, why is this so embarrassing? After all, there’s nothing new or shocking about leftist Jews being woke imbeciles, relishing in their self-assumed victimhood and using it as a cudgel against traditional Americans. Well, it is very embarrassing because it REEKS of lack of generosity, of nastiness, and of total absence of hospitality and welcoming.

When Abraham saw three strangers approaching his camp, he invited them to rest under a tree and offered them bread, butter, and meat. When American Jews see an approaching curious mind, they react with paranoid shrieks of “Racism! Appropriation! Waa!” In absolute contrast to Old Abe, instead of inviting the stranger to rest under the tree of Judaism, appreciate the sites, and enjoy the delicacies, they screech, “Get away from under my tree! Where’s my Chlorox bleach foamer?!”

Confident people, like Abraham, respond with generosity, hospitality, and good humor. Paranoid wraiths, in contrast, cry “Oy-vey!” So, once again, as a High Jew born under the sun of the Israeli desert, a scion of farmers, soldiers, pioneers, and survivors, I hereby grant any Christian who so desires a license to blow the shofar, celebrate the Seder, or do both at the same time while performing acrobatics.